THE JOYS OF BEING OVER 40
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You get into a heated argument about pension claims.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with the elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
The world was made round so that we would never be able to see too far down the road.
Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house they went for Grandma's birthday. When they arrived little Johnny said to Grandma, "Happy Birthday" and then proceeded to ask her how old she was.
Grandma immediately answered, "I'm 39 and holding."
To that, little Johnny asked, "Okay so hold old would you be if you let go?"